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“Most of us put a premium on not hurting others. Yet we hurt ourselves with a vast array of self-defeating behaviors.”
Secrets You Keep From Yourself


 

Table of Contents

Secrets You Keep From Yourself
How to Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness

Introduction: Do You Stop Yourself Short of Happiness and Fulfillment?

PART ONE: The Secrets We Keep
Chapter One:
Who Are You When You’re Not Being Yourself?

    How self-deception works
    Everybody keeps secrets
    Self-deception takes many forms
    Unnecessary complication
    Creating "Wake-up" calls
    If you’d like to go deeper: Identifying your customary approaches to challenges
Chapter Two:
A Litmus Test For Self-Sabotage
    Misleading
    Distracting
    Overreacting
    Abandoning
    Self-awareness tool #1: When in doubt, apply the litmus test
Chapter Three:
Why We Get In Our Own Way
    Misguided loss-avoidance
    Self-awareness tool #2: Look for the loss
    The benefits of self-sabotage
Chapter Four:
Your Subterranean Accountant
    Fuzzy math
    Black-market economics
    Recalculating your Subterranean Accountant’s math

PART TWO: How to Recognize the Early-Warning Signs of Self-Sabotage
Chapter Five:
Taming the Beasts Within

    Self-awareness tool #3: Observe your animal nature
Chapter Six:
Caught With Your Hand In the Cookie Jar
Chapter Seven: Your Usual Suspects

    If you’d like to go deeper: Rounding up your usual suspects
Chapter Eight: Your Inner "Cast of Characters"
    Moviemaker
    Indulger
    Persuader
    Dr. No
    Mini-Me
    Captain Superior
    Escape Artist
    King Kong
    Dramateer
    Managing your inner characters
    If you’d like to go deeper: Detecting your inner characters
    A word about destructive patterns


PART THREE:
How to Minimize Your Unnecessary Losses
Chapter Nine:
The Facts of Life

    Existential dilemmas
    Self-handicapping fight-or-flight reactions
    Increased stress and health problems
    Difficulty coping with limitations
    An emotional roller coaster of expectation and disappointment
    Trouble balancing others’ needs with your own
    Self-awareness tool #4: Take stock of your roots in infancy
    Denial of your mortality
    The facts of life, revisited
Chapter Ten: Your Personal "Defense Department"
    Challenging your denial
    Dissolving your denial
    If you’d like to go deeper: Unmasking denial

Chapter Eleven: The Truth About Fear
    Fear is a mental movie that gets stuck at the worst part
    Fear highlights worst-case scenarios without regard to their likelihood
    Mind FITs
    Exploiting fear’s weak spots
Chapter Twelve: Going To the Heart of Your Fears
    Why identifying core fears is helpful
    Tracking your fears
    Naming your fears
    How core fears translate into action
Chapter Thirteen: Taking Control of Your Fears
    Core fears are perceived deficits
    If you’d like to go deeper: Identifying the heart of your fears
Chapter Fourteen: Tools For Fear-Busting
    Ten fear-busting techniques
    Fear vs. courage

PART FOUR: Unearthing the Treasures You Keep From Yourself
Chapter Fifteen:
Moving From Fear To Desire

    Self-awareness tool #5: Reclaim overlooked, abandoned, or forgotten desires
    Core desires
    Promoting your core desires
    Embracing the profound within you
    If you’d like to go deeper: Clarifying your desires
Chapter Sixteen:
Emerging From the Shadows: A Portrait of Your Hidden Self
    Cultivating paradox
    Knowing who you are
    Crafting a life
    Your hidden self
    If you’d like to go deeper: Painting a portrait of your hidden self
    Building an accurate self-image
    If you’d like to go deeper:  Acknowledging your accomplishments
Chapter Seventeen:
What Matters and What Doesn’t
    Life is an open-book exam
Chapter Eighteen:
Decoding the Languages of Your Mind, Body, and Heart
    What happens when your mind, body, and heart work at cross purposes
    Recognizing when you’re living out of balance
    Self-awareness tool #6: Check in with your 'Children'
    Clarifying confusing situations and generating effective responses
    Achieving optimal well being
    If you’d like to go deeper: Learning the languages of your mind, body, and heart

PART FIVE: Triumphing Over Challenges and Adversity
Chapter Nineteen:
What To Do When You’re Stuck

    Be specific
    Be precise
    Be honest
    Be thorough
    Be concrete
    Be complete
    Be introspective
    Audrey: 'I get distracted so easily'
    Harold: 'When someone close to me gets upsets, I feel as if I have to fix it'
    Angelica: I'm not happy even though I've achieved much of what I wanted'
    A reminder about problem solving
Chapter Twenty:
Creating Wake-Up Calls By Design
    Wake-Up Call Generator
    Part 1: Recognize signs of self-sabotage
    Part 2: Cut challenges down to size
    Part 3: Increase your motivation and enhance your sense of self
    Pam: ‘Whose dream is it, anyway?’
    Carlyle and Roger: ‘How can we recapture the closeness?’
    Dianne: ‘My kids think I’m Supermom’
    Greta: ‘Even though I was the one rejected, I feel as though it was my fault’
    Aaron: ‘I can’t seem to handle my finances’
    A final task: Making peace with your self-defeats


Conclusion:
Living From Your Best Self
    The Goliath Principle
    Don’t take it personally
    Live beyond comparison
    Listen deeply
    Live as though you make a difference
    Live as you breathe
    Practice gratitude
    If you’d like to go deeper: Living from your best self starting today

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Home Obstacles to Happiness Live Your Best Life Assess Yourself Self-Sabotage Top 20 Inner Character Detector How We Fool Ourselves Get Out of Your Way About the Book Helpful Books Site Map Links and Resources